“Healthy relationship looks like as if you’re looking for someone who is capable of taking care of themself and isn’t a project. You wanna be with someone who has baggage from their last relationship and punishes you because they’re still hurting. You want someone who has the capacity to carry you when you’re weak and has a great attitude to match. If they’re ambitious, driven, respects themself, love their body, and believe in commitment and longevity, then you find someone mature enough to give it a second look. No more saving toxic people from themself. You’ll get hurt dating someone who needs to heal and that’s not fair to you.”
When I am talking about a healthy relationship, I am not just talking about any relationship. A healthy relationship is different than a regular one. Here the is an absence of ego, jealousy, and power struggle. Not all relationships can achieve something like that.
For a healthy relationship, the important things are respect towards each other, trust, and clear and open communication both for easy and difficult conversations. When you are in a healthy relationship you will know it right away, because you are going to feel it in your heart.
What It Feels to Be in A Healthy Relationship?
I can easily give you a lot of statistics and data about how a healthy relationship has a positive impact in your life. But we all know that when it comes to the matters of the heart statistics and data don’t sound convincing.
So let me tell you a story of my life…
For the past three years I was in a quite serious relationship with a guy whom I have had for 5 years in total. When we eventually got together, it felt good and seemed like a smooth transition towards the right direction. We started to see each other in a different light than just as friends, it felt good.
But like in every relationship we had our ups and downs, arguments, and fights, which is quite normal for any new couple. The “honeymoon period” on the relationship didn’t last long. It was gone within a month.
I was in college at that point, and he had just started his new job, so giving each other time and attention was becoming a problem, mainly for him. With his new job and his lack of a work-life balance, he never had any time for me. Although I never wanted too much time of his, not calling or texting for 2-3 days in a row was unacceptable for me.
This usually led to arguments and fights. I am someone who prefers to talk it out and not keep the disagreements bottled up. But for him it was all about forgetting, not forgiving. He had the habit of bringing up old argument’s months later during totally unrelated situations which used to irritate me a lot.
Gradually, both of us with all our ups and downs became very co-dependent on each other. So much so, I didn’t see the red flags in the relationship, even when others pointed them out to me. I became so used to his gaslighting and disrespecting me that I started to feel trapped in this relationship towards the end.
Then after months of dealing like this, I finally built up the courage to break it off with him. After it was done, it felt like a weight had lifted from my shoulders, I never felt so light.
The next chapter…
While recovering and regaining my self-confidence one day at a time, I got the support from an unlikely source, who came into my life as a surprise. We were friends before, and that was it, or at least I thought so.
He had feelings for me way before than I did, but he never said anything or expected me to reciprocate as well. He just observed me silently, quietly taking notes on my likes and dislikes and remembering them months later.
As the days progressed, I realized that I never had to pretend to be someone else in front of him. I felt comfortable with him. And just like Taylor Swift said, “It’s hard to make a conversation/When he’s taking my breath away,” – ‘Stay Beautiful.’
After meeting him and being in a relationship with him for a couple of months now, I have finally seen what people say, “A man in love.” He will go above and beyond to make you happy, will notice even the smallest of things in me, and will comfort you when you are sad.
Being in a relationship with him has taught me a lot of things like how to communicate my feelings to him without any hesitation, because we were friends at first. How not to escalate an argument and say sorry if it was my mistake. And to leave my ego aside when we are not looking eye to eye.
What are the Types of Relationships That You Encounter in Your Life?
If we are looking at relationships from a bird’s eye view, then you will not find a lot of differences but as you get close you will see that there are different types of relationships. So, let’s see what these different types of relationships are in detail.
❤️ Platonic Relationship
The basic characteristics of a platonic relationship are:
- Acceptance
- Closeness
- Fondness
- Respect
- Care
- Honesty
- Support
- Understanding
When it comes to platonic it is the kind where the two of you are in a relationship, but it doesn’t have to do with anything sexual in it. In a platonic relationship, you may not have a romantic relationship, there can be a deep profound friendship between the two of you, without the desire for any sexual urge.
❤️ Casual Relationship
The basic characteristics of a casual relationship are:
- Friends with benefits
- Booty calls
- One-night stands
- ‘Sex’ buddies
When it comes to a casual relationship, the term is quite vague and not well defined to what casual means. A casual relationship can span from a lot of different types of situations such as a Friends with Benefits type or a casual dating type of a relationship.
“Casual relationships can involve physical and emotional connections including casual sex. However, such relationships don’t include the expectations or demands of a more formal, committed romantic relationship.”
❤️ Romantic Relationship
The basic characteristics of a romantic relationship are:
- Respect
- Intimacy
- Trust
- Effective Communication
- Friendship
- Connection
- Commitment
- Healthy Conflict
- Flexibility
- Enjoyment
“Romantic relationships are those characterized by feelings of love and attraction for another person. While romantic love can vary, it often involves feelings of infatuation, intimacy, and commitment.”
When it comes to romantic relationships, the chemistry changes over time. At the start the relationship is all about strong feelings of passion, intimacy and infatuation. But with time the passion tends to lessen as the relationship matures with time and deeper emotions and mutual understanding.
❤️ Codependent Relationship
The basic characteristics of a codependent relationship are:
- One person acts as the giver and the other person acts as the taker in the relationship.
- One person will go to great lengths to avoid any type of argument or conflict with the other person.
- You must get permission from the other person before doing something.
- The need to save or rescue each other from their own actions.
- Doing certain things to make the other person happy, although making yourself uncomfortable.
- The feeling of a morphed personality and no individual identity.
Any type of codependency is a dysfunctional relationship, especially when it comes to a relationship it is much more complicated.
It is a behavioral dysfunctional situation where either or both the partners have low self-esteem, depression or anxiety. So, in a codependent relationship, one person always feels incomplete without the presence of the other person.
❤️ Open Relationship
The basic characteristic of an open relationship is:
- The exciting and different sexual experiences.
- Pursuing new experiences and interests.
- Freedom to express different sides of yourself.
- No pressure for one person to fulfill their partner’s emotional and sexual interests.
- Heightened communication about wants and needs.
An open relationship is one that falls under the broad spectrum of the consensually non-monogamous relationship. This is the type of relationship where both the partners are free to do whatever they want, it can be sexual, emotional or any other type of attachments.
❤️ Toxic Relationship
The basic characteristics of a toxic relationship are:
- Poor communication
- Jealousy
- Blaming
- A lack of support
- Disrespect
- Dishonesty
- Hostility
- Stress
- Gaslighting
- Passive-aggressive behaviors
- Controlling behaviors
- Competitiveness
Toxic relationship is the worst type of relationship there is, it is a type of relationship where either both partners or one person feels attacked, demeaned, misunderstood or unsupported.
And this is not the type of relationship anyone should have to experience. A toxic relationship is psychologically, physically, and emotionally threatening for any person.
What Do You Mean by a Healthy Relationship? How Do You Recognize One?
When you are thinking of getting into a relationship the first thing that you should hope for in that relationship is to be a healthy one. But what do I mean by a healthy relationship? Let’s talk about that.
The first thing about a healthy relationship is that it differs from one relationship to another. But there are certain aspects that stay the same for all types of healthy relationships.
These aspects of a healthy relationship are good communication, physical affection, emotional connection, time, space, shared values, and hobbies and at the same time trust and respect.
1. Trust
The word trust includes respect, integrity, and honesty. When the two of you are trusting each other, you don’t keep secrets from each other.
With trust in your relationship comes a sense of security in your relationship, due to which you won’t worry about your partner pursuing other people when you two are apart. But that is not all that it means to have trust in your relationship.
With trust in your relationship comes a sense of comfort in your relationship both physically and emotionally. This way you will also get to know that this person has the best interest in their heart for you.
2. Open Communication
If you and your partner are in a healthy relationship, then it is obvious that the two of you can talk about anything and everything with each other. This is called to have open communication in your relationship.
When you are in a relationship with the right person it is expected that the two of can talk about anything from daily ups and downs to insecurities, to certain serious issues like mental health issues.
If you are in a long-term healthy relationship, then it is logical to talk about financial issues as well with your partner. Open communication is a must for a relationship to be healthy and for it to be long lasting.
3. Curiosity
When you are thinking of a long-term relationship it is all about being curious about each other’s likes and dislikes. This would mean that when you are in a relationship the both of you should have similar interests, goals, and daily life choices. It is all about having a flexible mindset towards each other.
“Curiosity also means you are willing to consider or talk over changes to your relationship structure if aspects of your existing relationship become less fulfilling. It also involves realism. You see them for who they truly are and care about that person, not an idealized version of them.”
4. Individuality
As I have already said above, a codependent relationship is one where the two of you have no individual personalities, hence creating a morphed personality.
Individuality is very important to have in a relationship. To have a healthy relationship, it is important to have an interdependent relationship rather than a codependent one.
When it comes to an interdependent relationship, it means you two lean on each other for support but retain your own unique self, identity, and interests.
It crucial for a relationship to be well-balanced, where both the partners are equals, where both of you love each other, without letting go of your self- identity or esteem.
5. Playfulness
If the two of you are in a healthy relationship, then it is important to have fun and entertainment in your relationship. If the two of you are having fun, cracking jokes, and laughing together then it is always a good sign that you have a healthy relationship.
It is true that you cannot have fun in a relationship and there must be some difficult and hard moments and choices in a relationship. But knowing when you can again get back to the lighter moments is what makes your relationship healthy and mature.
6. Time Apart
When the two of you are in a healthy relationship it is all about spending more and more time together than apart. Although the time spent together can vary a lot depending on our work, personal needs, and other commitments such as living arrangements and what not.
But with time and maturity you will understand that spending time apart is also very important as spending time together. Because that way you will truly know that you do not need to be with someone to be in your life, rather you want that person.
When you are in a mature, committed, and healthy relationship, then you will understand that it is healthy to spend time apart from each other so that the two of you know that you don’t depend on each other.
7. Teamwork
If you wanna build a strong and healthy relationship with your partner, then both of you must work as a team.
So, to have a healthy relationship, the very decision that needs to be made should come from the both of you. The both of you should meet eye to eye on evert decision that is being made.
“You have each other’s back. You know you can turn to them when you’re struggling. And you’re always ready to offer support when they need you.”
8. Physical Intimacy
When it comes to building a strong and healthy relationship, physical intimacy is a very important aspect. But when I say physical intimacy, it is not only about sexual intimacy.
Any forms of physical intimacy such as hugging, cuddling, kissing, and sleeping together while snuggling, is very important to connect with each other in a more intimate way.
If the two of you enjoy intimacy in a sexual way, then it is possible that your relationship is healthy, when the two of you,
- The two of you discuss each other’s desires.
- Both of you can accept and handle rejection in a positive way.
- The two of you are comfortable talking about sex and physical intimacy.
- Both of you can talk about having certain preferences during sexual intimacy.
But with a certain degree of physical intimacy comes the concept of boundaries as well,
- Share certain intimate information about your partner.
- Exchanging comfort levels on sexual acts and preferences.
- Discussing any sexual risk factors.
9. Conflict Resolution
The key to every successful and healthy relationship is the ability to resolve conflicts together. Every relationship can have disagreements, arguments and frustration between both parties, but it is important for both of you to know when to resolve and clear the air amicably.
While you are resolving a conflict between you and your partner, it should be respectful, with both keeping yourself calm and composed. The discussion between the two of you should be about stating facts, without being judgmental and letting your emotions get in the way.
The Relationship Spectrum
What are Red Flags in a Relationship?
When you are in a relationship it should bring you happiness, enjoyment, fulfilment and a sense of connection at the same time. But after being in the relationship if you are only getting anxious, stressed and sad being with your partner, then you are in the wrong relationship.
Most times it is possible that the relationship is not working out because of your partner. Maybe they have certain qualities considered red flags in a relationship. It is possible that you may not figure it out instantly but with time you definitely can.
If you think that you are unable to understand the red flags in your relationship, then just follow my lead and I will help you understand.
🚩 They Describe All Their Exes as “Crazy”
It is quite possible to have a relationship in the past that ended up badly, but that doesn’t mean it is right to bad mouth your ‘ex’ in any way. But if you are in a relationship with someone and you see your partner occasionally says stuff like ‘my ex was crazy,’ then that is not a good sign.
As benefit of doubt, it is possible that one of their exes is ‘crazy,’ but if they say these things about all of their exes then there is a problem. Then it is possible that your partner is the problem, they might be the red flag in those situations.
🚩 They Get Jealous That Leads to Possessive and Controlling Behavior
Suppose you are in a relationship and occasionally see that your partner is becoming possessive towards you. I agree that a little possessiveness in a relationship is important, it shows that they are protective of you. But if that possessiveness takes a turn towards controlling nature, then that is a serious red flag.
Controlling can be in terms of what you are wearing, where you are going and with whom you are going. If your partner starts to control every aspect of your life, then that is a problem, and a red flag that you need to take care of as soon as possible
🚩 The Two of You Don’t Spend Much Time Together
If you are in a relationship and it has only been a few weeks into it, the honeymoon stage shouldn’t be over, the two of you should be all over each other. But you see that you are not like that, they are not spending time with you and always giving silly excuses. Then it is a red flag.
Spending time with each other in a relationship is very important to know and understand each other more profoundly. But if your partner doesn’t seem interested in spending time with you then the two of you need to have a serious discussion about what is going on.
🚩 They Are Constantly Gaslighting You
One of the biggest red flags in a relationship is if your partner gaslights you. So, if you don’t know what gaslighting is then let me enlighten you.
Suppose your partner is saying an event didn’t occur when you know for sure it happened, and you feel like what you are feeling or seeing is not the reality, this is what gaslighting is.
Gaslighting can happen in any type of relationship and not just a romantic one. But it is a big red flag if your partner is gaslighting you and making you feel bad about something you were right about. Gaslighting is a deliberate action, if you feel you are being gaslighted, then your partner is doing it intentionally.
🚩 You Guys Are Constantly Fighting
Are you and your partner having daily arguments? Even on the smallest and silliest of topics then that is a red flag in your relationship. It is true that in any relationship it is quite normal to have arguments and fights, in fact it is a sign of a healthy relationship.
But the number of fights happening should be to an extent. You and your partner shouldn’t be arguing daily, if that happens then it is a major red flag in your relationship. If you are fighting and resolving them it’s fine, but the arguments are piling up at one another then it’s a problem.
🚩 They Don’t Listen to You
One of the basic things that both of you should be doing is listening to each other, what the other person is saying or trying to say, even the things you are not saying.
But if you see that your partner is not listening to you and is not interested in anything that you say. Then it is a big red flag. If that is the case, then both of you should sit down and talk to each other about the problems the two of you are having.
🚩 They Don’t Put Any Effort into The Relationship
To build a relationship it is important to put effort in the relationship from the both of you. But if you see that you are the only one giving all the effort in the relationship then it is a red flag for your relationship.
The efforts given in a relationship should be equal. Now if your partner is someone who doesn’t want to put any effort, then you cannot talk them into giving any type of effort. If they don’t want to make any effort, then they do it anyway.
🚩 They Stretch Physical Boundaries
When you are in a relationship, it is important that you respect each other’s boundaries and limits. Crossing the limits or stretching these boundaries is unhealthy and a red flag.
Now if you see your partner doing exactly this then they are a red flag, and you should put an end to such behavior.
What are Green Flags in a Relationship?
When you are in a relationship, it is important to notice the toxic and red flag behaviors in a relationship, but it is also important to look at the green flags in a relationship at the same time. These are signs such as trust, respect, compatibility, and understandment.
If you suppose you don’t know how to recognize green flags in a relationship, then here are a few things in a relationship that are considered as green flags in a relationship.
💚 You Can Discuss and Express Emotions
When you are in a relationship with a partner who you are comfortable with talking about certain emotional and personal stuff. It is certainly a green flag in a relationship.
With a certain level of comfort in a relationship, you can be truly honest and open about difficult conversations, that will only strengthen your relationship. This way you can truly express your emotions that might not be easy with a person who is a red flag.
💚 Can Have Difficult Conversations About the Relationship
With a partner who is a green flag, you can talk about anything no matter how difficult or awkward it is. If you can talk about anything with your partner, you are truly honest and respect each other based on their opinion, honesty and judgment. These conversations the both of you can show each other compassion and empathy.
💚 They Won’t Be Afraid to Apologize
Being apologetic towards your partner is a big sign of a green flag in a relationship. It is important to forgive each other and apologize after a fight or an argument. Taking accountability, blame and responsibility is a healthy sign of a relationship.
Here are a few ways you can ask for apology from your partner,
- I recognize that I hurt you and wish I could take it back.
- I regret not having thought through my actions first.
- I wish I had considered your feelings before doing what I did.
- I realize that my words hurt your feelings. That wasn’t my intentions, and I’m very sorry.
💚 Your Emotions are Validated
If you are an emotional person, and you are in a relationship with someone who is not emotionally mature then your emotions might get invalidated. But with a mature person, you might see that your emotions are validated and that is a green flag quality that you should have in your life.
Here are a few ways your emotions might get validated,
- They listen to what you’re saying and demonstrate it with eye contact, touch, verbal cues, and directing their body towards you while you speak.
- They match your energy level. When you’re sad, they’re sympathetic. When you’re excited, they’re happy for you.
- They don’t challenge your feelings – they accept them and assure you that they’re normal. An appropriate response to your feelings lets you know that your reactions are reasonable and valid.
💚 They’re Your Safe Space
When you are in a healthy relationship with a partner who shows signs of being a green flag, they become your safe space.
“Being with the person most important to you should make you feel at peace. There’s no need to spend time with people who make you feel like you can’t be your authentic self. A good friend’s acceptance will encourage and empower you to express yourself without fear of judgment or ridicule.”
Wrapping Up!
If you are in a relationship, then it is important to know whether it is a healthy relationship or not. Being in a toxic relationship is not something that you wanna put yourself through. You should always thrive in a healthy relationship that is considered a green flag.
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