Do you sometimes feel that a friend that you have in your life might feel like is not a real friend? They don’t have the best of interests towards you in their life. These are the fake friends in your life who can fill your life with toxicity and complexity.
Now if you have a person like that in your life, what are you going to do? What is a way out? How to cut these people out of your life? You will learn everything from this article, so all you must do is read it.
What is a Fake Friend?
As per Blake Blankenbecler, LPC, a licensed therapist and friendship educator said, “Fake friend is someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. They aren’t willing to compromise on important matters, show little concerns for your needs, and put little to no effort in maintaining the bond.”
“In a fake friendship, you’re often left feeling like you’re doing all the work to maintain the friendship. And when you bring up this pattern to your friend, you get dismissed by them.”
But why? She added, “A fake friend is only going to be interested in doing what they want to do and will rarely think of the interests of others.”
Real Friends vs Fake Friends
How to Tell if Someone Is Faking Friendship with You?
It is possible that you are in a friendship that seems to be fake to you because you have a weird gut feeling that something is off in this friendship. And I have always believed that you should always listen to your gut feeling.
Now if you think that your friend is seemingly faking their friendship with you, but you are not sure about it then here are a few signs how you will understand that your friend is faking their friendship with you.
“The most dangerous creature on this Earth is a Fake Friend.”
1. One-sidedness
Romantic relationships are not the only type of relationship that is one-sided. Friendships can also be one-sided especially when you are friends with fake people.
These are the type of friends who are not interested in talking about anything else other than them. They only care about themselves and no one else.
2. Inconsistency
When it comes to fake friends, they are not consistent with when they show up. If they need something from you, then they will come running but if the tables are turned then they are nowhere to be found.
These people usually make up an excuse and disappear from you, when you are in trouble. So don’t make the mistake of depending on them for practically anything.
3. Betrayal
The worst mistake you can make is if you trust these people. They are the opposite of loyal, they will gain your confidential information and knowledge from and talk behind your back.
Fake friends don’t care about bad-mouthing you or spreading rumors or gossip about you, behind your back. They won’t think twice before betraying you.
4. Unreliability
It would be foolish to rely on someone who fakes their friendship about anything at all. They will act as if they should be trusted, but when the time comes, they will end up disappointing you and leave you all high and dry.
These people will make all kinds of promises to entice you but when it’s time to keep a few of those promises they will act as if they don’t even know you.
5. Hurtful Behavior
These people are no strangers to mean and hurtful comments. Fake friends usually say hurtful things in a very casual way.
They will say certain things to hurt you but will argue that it is for your own good, which is not true. So, you should stand up to such behavior.
6. Disrespect
People who fake their friendship are often highly disrespectful. They are rude and offensive. And at the same time, they don’t think twice before humiliating, belittling and ridiculing you either in-person or in public.
7. Conditional Friendship
When you are friends with someone there shouldn’t be any conditions linked to that, like love, friendship is also unconditional and pure. Whenever conditions are applied, that is not friendship.
For people who are faking their friendship with you they are around you for their own gain. They always look forward to gaining something from you in one way or another.
These “things” can be monetary, social status, possessions or some other type of material things, that will only benefit them. And once they are done with their agenda or mission, they won’t hesitate to diminish their friendship.
8. Jealousy
These people are the jealous type, they feel insecure and threatened by everything good happening in your life, such as achievements, celebrations, and successes.
No matter the degree of your achievement is, they will always degrade or downplay them and dismiss their importance. This is their way of competing with you.
9. Manipulation
People who are friends with you for their own gain are always great at manipulating. They won’t back out from using manipulating tactics such as blackmail, guilt, and all types of emotional manipulation.
10. Ignored Boundaries
Fake friends don’t care about boundaries, they will jump over them like in a hurdle race. They don’t feel an inch of awkwardness about overstepping their boundaries and ignoring them totally. These people don’t have the common sense of personal space, limits, or even privacy.
Why Do People Fake Being a Friend?
There is no definite answer as to why people will fake their friendship with someone, but after digging a bit deeper into the behavior pattern of a fake friend. I can identify a few pointers because people are faking their friendships with others.
1. Insecurity
One of the main reasons why some people try to fake their way out of everything like friendship is probably they are insecure.
People who have low self-esteem and feel they are inadequate often make fake friendships to somehow increase their self-worth and with that their self-esteem.
Because they are insecure, they require constant validation and attention from others to feel good about themselves. This is like their coping mechanism.
2. Self-Centeredness
A reason why certain people show fakeness in friendship is because they are very self-centered people and don’t care about others showing real friendship.
Whenever you guys are in a conversation, these people will always divert the conversation from you to them. These people don’t like talking about anything else other than themselves.
They are usually with a person for their own personal gain, and fulfilling their own needs and desires always comes first to these people. And when they think they, they got everything from you, sticking around you is pointless.
3. Narcissism
It is often seen that someone with a narcissistic personality might be a fake friend. Though not entirely their fault since it is a diagnosable mental disorder.
As per Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Clarity Clinic, Chicago, “Narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of self, a marked lack of empathy for others, and a willingness to use others to achieve their goals.”
4. Childhood Trauma
It is also possible that if a person has suffered some kind of trauma as a child; then their being a fake friend can be a reciprocal action to that trauma.
The person might just be playing the role of a friend, and this might seem fake to others, which is not their fault.
5. Psychopathy
As per Dr. Daramus, “Psychopathy is characterized by a lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and a disregard for the rights and feelings of others.”
Psychopathy is again a recognized mental disorder for which the person has nothing to do but take counseling. So, they might be a fake friend because they don’t know how to be a real friend.
What Are the Different Types of Fake Friends?
There are many different types of fake friends that you will come across in your life, so if you want to know what these types of fake people are, then keep on scrolling.
1. The Opportunist
Opportunists are the people who will always look for their own profit and opportunity in any relationship whether it’s friendship or romance.
They will always be around you when they need something from you. But as soon as that’s done, they will disappear from your life.
2. The Flatterer
You will recognize these people quite easily because they will unload buckets full of complements and flattery on you.
No matter how appealing these compliments might feel at first, you need to understand that they are not sincere at all.
These people only use flattery as a manipulating tactic, so you should never fall for these flatteries.
3. The Gossip
Gossips are those people who thrive when there are rumors or drama going on. The worst part is that if they don’t have rumors to spread or drama to create, they will do it on their own.
To them nothing is private or confidential, they still spread personal information about you, that will harm your reputation and relationships.
4. The Manipulator
There is always a person in your life who is a manipulator and will use it against you to demean and disrespect you in any way possible. And with this type of person, you should stay away from and never be friends with these people.
5. The Gaslighter
When it comes to a fake friend, there is nothing worse than a gaslighter. They are the type of people who would put words into your mouth and blame you for the things that they have done or said.
“A gaslighter is a person who psychologically manipulates another by means of gaslighting. Gaslighters love to make promises to people only to deny they ever made them in the first place. It’s a classic mind game that leaves the recipient confused and bewildered.”
What Can Fake Friendships Do to You?
Fake friends and relationships can take a toll on you which can affect your own mental health and self-confidence a lot.
So, it is always better for yourself that you don’t engage yourself with such friends or once you get to know that they are fake, cut them off right away.
“Fake friends take far more than they give, while promising they’re true friends. They may tell you how much they care, but they’re only there for the fun parts of being a friend.” – Aimee Daramus, PSYD
1. Betrayal
When it comes to what a fake friend does to you, the worst thing that it does is make you feel betrayed. And that is the worst feeling you can receive from a friend. Betrayal is the worst when it comes from anyone, let alone from a friend.
“You may find yourself feeling upset and betrayed if you find out they’ve been talking behind your back, sharing your personal information with others, or spreading rumors about you.”
2. Self-Doubt
When you are dealing with a fake friend, they are great at making you feel small about yourself and making you self-doubt about every aspect of your life.
They will twist and turn a scenario in a way that you won’t be able to differentiate between what is real and what is fake.
They will gaslight you and manipulate you to such an extent that your life will be tangled up in a web of reality and you won’t be able to get out of it. This is why it is better to just avoid these people so that they don’t make your life a living hell.
3. Disappointment
Since fake friends don’t tend to show up when you need them, their absence is going to disappoint you in most cases. But the bad thing is that they don’t care that they have disappointed you and you are upset because of that.
Just like Dr. Daramus said, “You may often find yourself feeling disappointed and let down when they don’t show up for you or do what they said they would.”
4. Trauma
When you are dealing with a friend who is faking everything with you, it might bring up things from the past if you have similar experiences.
If you already have unhealed scars from the past revolving around fake people and fake friends, then it can trigger serious trauma in you at might require therapy and counselling in the future.
According to Dr. Daramus, “Depending on how the relationship plays out, you might find yourself feeling traumatized. The emotional scars can linger long after the relationship has ended.”
5. Anger & Hurt
When you have people in your life who are faking their friendship with you, they don’t care about your emotions or feelings and wouldn’t care if they hurt you in any way possible.
But the things that they would blurt out in the name of “honest opinion” is going to hurt your feelings a lot. Their comments and remarks are intended to be hurtful and insensitive towards your feelings. And if suppose they don’t hurt you, they will make you very angry.
What Are the Things Fake Friends Do?
If you know what fake friends are, then you will know what these people do and what their behavior is like. But if you don’t know what these people do or rather don’t do, then here are a few points to help you be aware of these fake people.
1. They Are with You in Good Times but Not Bad Times
It is very easy to be friends with someone when the times are good, but it is that much more difficult to maintain that friendship when the times are tough. The phrase, “I friend in need is a friend indeed,” might sound very cliched, but it is true.
But these things are not important to the people who are faking their friendship with you. They are not here for the tough times. These people will enjoy the perks of your friendship till times are good. They are what you called “Fair-weather friends.”
2. They Don’t Want to See You Succeed or Happy
Normally when you are friends with someone, and if the friendship is real then both of you want the best for each other. That means you want each other to be happy and succeed in life.
But when it comes to fake friends, they don’t want to see you succeed, or care about whether you are happy or not. Fake friends are usually very jealous of anything that you do. So, any emotion that you see from them is not genuine at all, so don’t be fooled.
3. They Don’t Forgive or Forget
In any type of relationship, it is important to forgive and forget, to build a strong and long-lasting relationship. And when it comes to friendship it is even more important.
But when you are dealing with a fake friend, they don’t forget, and forgiving something is out of the question. This level of compassion is something that you won’t find from someone who is faking their friendship with you.
4. They Don’t Respect Your Opinions
It is quite possible that a disagreement has occurred between you and your friend. But that doesn’t mean that the friend will get angry, judgmental, and highly critical about everything that you have to say. This is not how a true friend reacts or behaves.
A true friend will always listen to what you have to say and give their opinion in a respectful manner. They won’t try to impose their opinion and beliefs on you.
5. They Are Not Loyal or Trustworthy
The last thing that you can expect from a fake friend is to be loyal and trustworthy because they are not and won’t ever try to be but will fake it.
These “friends” will gossip and share your personal information behind your back. And won’t back down from spreading false rumors as well. They will never defend you in public and are always ready to betray you whenever they feel like it.
How are you Supposed to Deal with Fake Friends?
Now that you know that you have a few fake friends in your life, the next question that should come to your mind is how you are supposed to deal with these fake friends.
1. Trust Your Instincts
When you are around people who you assume are faking their friendship with you, then it is possible that not everyone will see or feel the same thing you are feeling. So, what can you do then?
The only thing you can do then is listen to your gut and follow your instincts. If you have a strong inner feeling that something is wrong, then don’t ignore that feeling, rather think it through and make a decision based on your analysis.
2. Set Boundaries
If you know someone in your life is clearly a fake friend, but you cannot cut them off from your life, you must act smart. Setting boundaries is a must with people like them.
These people tend not to follow or listen to certain limits or boundaries, so you must be strict with them. If they don’t understand these limits or boundaries, then make them understand, because if you don’t, they will walk all over you.
3. Seek Support
It is true that not everyone handles a situation the same way, everyone deals with a situation in their own personal way. Now it is also true that not everyone has the capability to deal with fake friends in their life.
So, if you think you don’t know how to deal with a fake friend, then it’s best that you ask for help.
You can easily ask for support or advice from a trusted friend or family member about what you should be doing in your situation. That way you won’t feel all alone and left out in a bad situation.
Now if you think that the situation is becoming worse for your own mental health, then it is best to get help from a professional. With the help of counseling and therapy, you can clear your head of everything that is troubling you.
4. Limit Contact
One thing that you should understand is that it is OK to prioritize yourself and your happiness over anything else. So, if someone is coming in the way of your happiness and wellbeing then it is OK to limit those contacts.
If that person is someone you simply can’t avoid then limit your contact as much as possible. You should never let any disrespect you and get away with it. Either cut them off from your life or limit any form of contact with that person.
5. Practice Self-Care
When I talk about prioritizing your happiness, it means you should never let others destroy your peace of mind. You are fully entitled to have peaceful and calm surroundings.
But if you see that due to external problems, your body is becoming stressed and tense, then it is important to focus on self-care.
To ensure self-care there are certain things that you can do, like meditation, spa day, and other similar things.
Wrapping Up!
After all the things that I have said in the article, at the end of the day, it is You who decides what type of people you want to surround yourself with.
If you know that a few of them are fake friends, then you should cut them out of your life. If you found this article fun exciting, and informative, give it a like and comment down below.
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